When it starts feeling "fallish", I start getting sad. It was fall when I lost Aiden so my body & mind just seem to get into this sadness mode. Today I'm feeling it. There's this story going around about a mother who held her baby for two hours after he passed away, and he came back to life. Of course this makes me think, "Why didn't that happen to me when I was holding Aiden". It's really hard to not get sucked into that bottomless pit of questions. I feel like I'm standing on the edge deciding if I want to jump in or not. Saying it like that makes me go "of course not". If anything I have my babes here to keep me busy and my mind occupied. It's not like there's ever a shortage of things that need to be done when you have two under 4!
I do miss my Aiden. It would be his 5th birthday this year and I just wonder what he would look like. I am always curious to know if he had blue eyes or brown eyes or something different.