Saturday, September 4, 2010

feeling sad

When it starts feeling "fallish", I start getting sad. It was fall when I lost Aiden so my body & mind just seem to get into this sadness mode. Today I'm feeling it. There's this story going around about a mother who held her baby for two hours after he passed away, and he came back to life. Of course this makes me think, "Why didn't that happen to me when I was holding Aiden". It's really hard to not get sucked into that bottomless pit of questions. I feel like I'm standing on the edge deciding if I want to jump in or not. Saying it like that makes me go "of course not". If anything I have my babes here to keep me busy and my mind occupied. It's not like there's ever a shortage of things that need to be done when you have two under 4!

I do miss my Aiden. It would be his 5th birthday this year and I just wonder what he would look like. I am always curious to know if he had blue eyes or brown eyes or something different.

1 comment:

  1. Sorry this is a rough day/season for you! I will keep you in my prayers. Your little ones are so cute. Congratulations on Kira! My second baby is a MUCH BETTER eater than my first so there is hope! Haha. My Lilly eats hardly anything and hates to try anything new. Ah well!

    I wanted to tell you the "full immersion" baptism isn't as scary as it sounds. The guy had me cross my arms and then hold my nose as I went under. Kind of like washing your hair in the bathtub! If you ever have any questions or just want to talk, email me at or leave me a comment!

    I always felt a little out of place until I joined what our church calls a connection group...because they make you feel connected and "part" of the church. A lot of other places call them small groups. Just a thought! (c: Will be praying for brighter days for you guys! Hold those sweet ones for me!