winter fat mama

I must be putting on my winter fat because I have been eating like a pig lately. Not just because it was Thanksgiving last week...I've just been ravenous! I'm the kind of person who could go all day without eating usually. This probably isn't a great thing but that's just how I am.

Kira has started to say Mama! Right now she goes "mamamamamamamamama" so I don't know if she's calling me or just making a sound...but I love to hear her say it. She also makes a sound that sounds like "dada" of course. That sounds like "kitty" sometimes so who knows what she's saying!

I am so excited, tonight we got a closet for Kira! It was free. It's this really big computer desk that looks like an armoire. It has a cherry laminate finish so I get to figure out the best way to paint it. Scott has to take the shelves out of the top part and add a rod for hangers and then my baby girl will FINALLY have a closet and I can FINALLY finish her bedroom! This makes my heart super happy!

3 kids

I still never know what to say when people ask me if I have kids. I guess I should figure it out and just stick to that story for the rest of my life. I have three, but only 2 of em are with me. So I should probably just say two...but I really feel guilty if I ever do that. I know it just makes things easier for the other person but Aiden is my son and I won't ever forget him...it's kind of crazy. It's 5 years and I still don't really know how to approach talking about him with people who don't know me.
I've really been missing him alot lately. Seems to be hitting me harder this year than the past couple. I'm going to decorate the house for Christmas tomorrow so hopefully that will help get me out of this funk :)

happy thanksgiving!

Fun day. We woke up and watched the parade. I made green bean casserole and sweet potatoes w/marshmallows, those are "my" 2 dishes I make for every holiday meal. Kira wore a pillowcase dress my mom sewed for her, it was soooo cute! She sewed it all by hand. I asked her to make it and she said she would, but then her sewing machine ended up having to get fixed. She was an awesome grandma and sewed it all herself so Kira would have something adorable for Thanksgiving. I hope I can convince her to make another for Chrismas, ha!

After dinner we saw Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I was pleasantly surprised at how closely it followed the book. In most of the movies I'm sitting there going "that's not how it went" and this time I was not. Things were not changed around too much, they just cut things out all together. And they didn't make stuff up that never happened in the book. The bit with Harry & Hermoine kissing was nuts!!! I don't remember them being described as naked in the book but I suppose they could have been.

I do wish that JKR would write the story of what's happening at Hogwarts while Harry Ron & Hermoine are out looking for horcruxes. It could be about Neville Longbottom since he's kind of like Harry's twin.

a riley quiz

I asked Riley these questions, here are his answers as a 3 year old.....he also told me what colors to change each line to!

Riley's Favorites
color: blue
Movie: Mickey Mouse
thing to do: ABCs, sing, play on the computer, color, go to the park, scooter
food: Chicken Nuggets
book: Chicka Chicka Boom Boom
friend: Ethan
place to go: the mall
person to hang out with: Mommy (I swear this was his answer!)
Superhero: SuperWhy
snack: popcorn
Favorite friend to come over: Ethan
thing to sleep with: white blanket, blue nigh nigh & heart pillow
babysitter: Gramma
thing play with Kira: toys!
Daddy's favorite thing to do: working
Mommy's favorite thing to do: type on the computer
Kira's favorite thing to do: cry & play with Riley

rhbh

Not like anyone needs to know, but here's what I thought about this week's show...

• camille creates a sh&tstorm at dinner then walks away- the ladies looked shell shocked. you could tell it probably would have been a fun trip if Camille wasn't there.
  
• let me hold up my iphone-Camille played Kyle's (very nice) vm for her two "real friends" who are being paid by Frasier while they were doing her hair & makeup. Not really sure why she felt the need to do that. Other than she's a complete lunatic.
  
• fish lip irony-taylor used the phrase "blown out of proportion". i just think that's really funny.
  
• pretty presents-Kim gives the ladies a really pretty bracelet at brunch the next day, but you can tell she doesn't really know how to express what she wants them to mean. Taylor takes it but has this stink face on and TH's that Kim didn't give it to her with an apology. I don't get what her problem is with Kim but it's not pretty on her. (neither are her lips)
  
• ever met this kid?-Russell trying to make a meal for his daughter was painful. It was pretty obvious that he never spends time with her. At four years old she's already figured him out and dismissed him. Russell will be hearing the phrase "just leave the walllet" come out of her mouth soon enough.
  
• oooh girfriend-Mauricio swimming with his girls was totally cute. When he was asking the older one about boys and he goes "ooooh, girlfriend", that was so adorable!
  
• underlining issue- the genius Camille says the "underLINING" issue with Kyle is that she's jealous. In the history of time, has anyone ever said "you're just jealous of me!" and it sounded okay?
  
• did she really just do that?-when the ladies arrived at the show it looked like Camille smiled and said "Hi Kyle", then immediately scowled at her and turned her back. It was so weird I had rewind and see if it really just happened.
  
• frasier didn't want cami company-after the show when Camille goes backstage, could that have been any more awkward? She shoves her way into that little room, and he basically says "thanks for showing up but you can get out now".
  
• lisa's purple dress-she wears a purple dress with the flowers across the top for one of her talking heads...love it!
  
• in the club-camille comments how good kim's drink is, even though in Vegas she claimed she doesn't drink (in the next episode she is drinking lots o wine with her "friends" at dinner) WTF
  
• kim trying to put it out there-in the limo ride when the ladies are talking about how they miss their hubbies Kim was trying to share how she felt in Las Vegas, but she's so nervous she forgot to mention she was talking about Vegas. i really feel for her...I would be very intimidated by that group of women too.
  
• big gates-does anyone else find it so strange that lisa and adrienne live in a regular neighborhood....it's just that they have giant houses? to me those big a$$ houses should be out in the country or something, not on a regular street next door to other giant a$$ houses. watching adrienne walk up to those giant gates, in her giant heels...i wonder what it would be like to have that life. i'd like to try it for a day or so :)
• tea time-did anyone else think it was cute how Cedric was in on the gossip session with Adrienne? does anyone else find him totally yummy in those cardigans? he's like a hot hobbit...i have a thing for hobbits
  
• weekEND-i like the way Lisa pronounces weekend like "weekEND"
  
• pecking order? -Camille comes out with some crap about there being a "pecking order", and her husband is higher on it than Kyle's husband. I thought Camille was all about coming "out of Frasier's shadow", but she's trying to argue that she's better than someone because of her husband's work? If there WAS a pecking order Kyle would be above Camille because Kyle is an actual working actress, has a beautiful family that she actually takes care of, a husband who actually loves her and friends who actually like her and aren't there just to kiss her ass. Camille is an ex-prostitute who danced on Club Mtv. She also got to be on Frasier once. Now that her marriage is over...I would so love to hear about her pecking order theory now!
  

bad day

Yesterday was the 5 year anniversary of Aiden's death. As if that day doesn't already have a black cloud over it...we got a call around 10am that one of Scott's grandmas passed away Sunday night. Scott will be flying to Michigan tomorrow to attend the funeral on Friday. We were thinking that Scott would take Riley, but it's just too expensive. So I will have a three year old and a 7 month old all by myself from tomorrow afternoon until Sunday evening. YIKES. I'm already alone with them every day until 7-8pm, so it's not going to be THAT much different, but I'm still wondering how it's all gonna go. I guess we'll see.

real housewives of BH

So, this week was like two shows. The Real Housewives, and the Camille Show. I would love it if the Camille Show went to the Camille network and that was only beamed into Camille's house, because Camille only cares about Camille so why does anyone else need to bother w/her?

Adrienne & Kim and Taylor & Kyle went shopping. Adrienne had to leave because her uncle died, so she didn't go to NYC either. Kyle & Lisa had a session with a hypnotherapist to help them feel safer flying. The guy brought some funky machine that shows your brain waves and put it on Kyle, Lisa was dead on when she said she looked like Pocahontas in the headseat! ha

Camille arrived in NYC w/her kids and paid companions/staff/"friends". She walked around her 3,500 square foot apartment saying it was nice but small. Every other word was about how small the place is. Well, it's New York City! People have bathtubs in their living rooms there! I think she was really just saying how small it is because she knew she wasn't staying there because she knew her & Frasier were on the outs. So she was just laying the groundwork for when she hightails it back to CA.

Camille is SO BUSY that she had to get a manicure and visit her cancer stricken mother at the same time. She asks her mom how she's feeling, mom starts to answer, then Camille cuts her off with a 5 minute diatribe on how exhausted she is from having tests to see if SHE has the cancer gene. She's so tired you see, because she has 4 nannies for two kids and people to do everything for her, so she's just extra frazzled at all her extra work. Uh huh.

The other ladies arrive in NYC and Kyle takes Camille aside to squash the Vegas crap that went on. Camille still insists that Kyle said "why would anyone want you there if Kelsey's not there". Kyle denies saying this, and I believe Kyle. From everything we've seen of Camille, she craves attention and sympathy, and this is her way of getting it. She has no idea how to have an actual relationship or conversation with another human so she has to make up drama. She was totally baiting Kyle at the dinner, continually poking at her until she blew up. That does not mean you "win" Camille, that means you're a sociopath.

Next week Taylor threatens Kim with "going out back and going Oklahoma" on her ass, whatever that mean. Are we supposed to think girls from Oklahoma know how to fight or something???

my bday

Today is my birthday. I am 33 years old! For some reason I feel like 33 is going to be an amazing year.

I was trying to remember all the birthdays I've had up to this one, and I can't really recall much of any of them! Growing up we didn't really have big parties or get huge gifts...we'd have cake and ice cream at home after dinner, maybe some friends over...that was pretty much it! And it was FINE. I do not feel "jipped" because kids nowadays get these extravagant soirees from their first birthday on. In fact, I feel sorry for those kids because it's nice to be happy with simple things. If you have to keep chasing that next big thrill, keep having fancier parties...that's just not fun. I don't know what it's like to have thousands of dollars to spend on a party but truthfully, I'd probably stress the heck out if I did!

So now I'm in the 33 Club, and if you are too, YOU ROCK!!!

thankful

Since today is a day where I'm thinking about what I've lost, I have been trying to concentrate on what I do have that makes me happy...

i'm thankful for....

• the 26 weeks i got to spend with Aiden in my tummy
  
• the six days I got to spend with my Aiden outside my tummy
  
• my beautiful little boy and girl
• my family is all (relatively) healthy
• i get to be a SAHM and see my kids 24/7
• the internet
• wonderful weather in Arizona-no snow!!!
  
• i live in a country where i'm allowed to do whatever i want, think what i want and worship the God I want
• a roof over my head, food to eat
• Glee
• cupcakes

I know there's lots more but right now I'm drawing a blank. It's been a day and my brain is frazzled, and Kira is crying again....seems like just when I start to relax one of em needs me again!

five years

Five years ago today I was pregnant with a little boy named Aiden. I didn't know his name was Aiden yet, but I did know he was a little boy. I didn't think I would be meeting him until February 14 of the next year so we hadn't settled on a name yet.

The next day, he decided to arrive.

The next week, he was gone.

I think about him all the time. I wonder what he'd look like and what he'd be like and of course I am always wanting to know what color his eyes are and what his laugh sounds like. I still wonder why God chose to take my baby and why He does it to so many people...why is there so much suffering at all?

Show Us Your Life: What Do You Make?

Kelly's Korner's Show Us Your Life is "What Do You Make?" today. I so wish I had more time to make stuff these days! I don't really have a craft area here in the house, so that's one thing. When I have to pull all my supplies out and then put em all away when I'm done...that makes me just not wanna do it. I have to see all my "stuff" when I'm working or I'll never use it. It's hard for me to craft when Riley is here or awake because he wants to "help" me. Or go through my stuff for stuff he wants. He's always looking for letter stickers. It'd be fine if some of my supplies weren't really expensive. He doesn't understand that that felt embelishment cost $4.99 and it's not for playing catch with the dog.

But ANYWHOO, this is supposed to be about what I make...and I make paper bag albums! These are little scrapbooks made from paper bags. I started making them years ago and I still find it very fun to create each one. I do have a "style", but I try to make each one different and unique. I like using lots of odds & ends in them, and lots of stuff on each page. My favorite thing to do is a frilly, frou frou girlie girl book. Good thing, because there is SO MUCH more girl stuff in the scrap world than boy stuff! There is alot more boy stuff now and they keep coming out with more, so that's great. But it's definitely a girl's world for the most part :)

Here's an example of a few of my kind of recent books. I keep telling myself I'm going to get busy and get some more books finished to get in my etsy shop but we'll see when/if that actually happens. I have a baby and a little boy, and I don't want to miss a second of my precious time with them while they're little! I watched a bit of Toy Story 3 today and it gave me empty nest anxiety for when these guys go to college!

















the next two pics are of a Superman book I did for a friend who is a photographer...I wish she could photograph all my books!! she's in Florida if any of you are lucky enough to live there she takes AWESOME kid pics!!!

This last one is an example of what they look like with the pictures IN...the ones I make are usually "blank". But making them with the pics is my favorite way to do it because then I can really finish off each page.

Happiness Project

"real" housewives of BeverlyHills

Yes, I have been sucked into this franchise as well! I wasn't sure if the Beverly Hills ladies would be interesting, but they have been pretty entertaining so far! The wives are:

Taylor-She openly admits she married her husband for the things he can give her not the love he bestows upon her. On the latest episode they go on a "fun, couples getaway" and the guy can't even stay with her for an entire day. She also has ginormous lips. She looks like she was pretty before she had those horrible things sewn on to her face. I felt really bad for her when she was hanging with the girls in Vegas and he comes over and basically poops on the party. He couldn't say "Have fun I'm going to bed?" SHE couldn't say "I'll be up later?" I guess all those expensive shopping sprees in her bedroom are worth it.

Adrienne-I love this lady, probably because she has all brothers, and I have all brothers. She wears some kind of shiny plastic extension thingies in her hair. Her husband is a plastic surgeon. They appear to have a real relationship, and that makes me like them. She's not all "Oh my husband is the greatest man on earth and we are so in LUUUUVVVV", she's like "My husband is a pain in the ass but so am I and I love him". I like that in the opening credits she says "Money is what I have, not what I am". With her kind of $$$ she could be saying "You can't take it with you" like Jeana or "I want money and I want power" like Vicki or "I don't keep up wuth the Joneses, I AM the Joneses" like Nene. All three of those examples are also divorced now! Huh...

Kim-When I first saw the commercial with her saying "I was quite famous" I was like "no you weren't because I don't recognize you". Then I saw the old clips of her, and she WAS in everything when I was little! She was in so many Disney movies, after school specials, TV shows...she was everywhere. I feel pretty bad for her. Not having a man doesn't mean she has to be lonely, but it seems like she thinks it does. It would be nice to see her make some true friends, but I don't think that's going to happen on this TV show. The other ladies seem too high maintenence or busy or self involved to take the time to get to know someone like Kim who is not "in your face" with her personality.

Kyle-Kyle has long hair, she's sassy, she has 4 lovely daughters and a pretty handsome hubby. I absolutely loved when they were dancing in Vegas and she scootched herself in between Camille and her husband like "uh uh honey, that's not gonna happen". Then in her talking head when she goes "If anyone gets near my husband I'll" then made claws and a hissing sound. I do think she's a bit fed up with her sister Kyle, but I don't know what it's like to have a sister so...I can only watch I guess. I also loved how one of her daughter's eyes got glazed over when that giant chocolate Easter bunny showed up at brunch.

Lisa-How gorgeous is this woman? I love that she is so stinking rich but still dresses like a normal person around the house. But always looks totally glamourous at the same time of course! She has a personal Chocolatier (I am so far away from that I had to google the word to make sure I spelled it correctly) and some cute gay guy living with her. Seems like her house is so big a couple people could hide out and she'd never know it! She has just the right amount of snark to her, but she's not bitchy. She's funny. I really liked the pink dress she wore to the Jay-Z concert.

Camille-Before this show all I knew about her was she was married to Kelsey Grammer and has Irritable Bowel Syndrome. On the first episode when the women were talking about their kids, she says she used a surrogate to have her two, but doesn't explain why. I guess it's nobodie's business why, but it was odd that she didn't give the reason since she was sharing info. It makes me think she just didn't want to carry them,which I guess is fine...but now they have two nannies each and she has time to play tennis with cute dudes. Every five seconds she's talking about Kelsey, but every ten seconds she's talking about how she wants to be known as herself, not "Kelsey Grammer's wife". I think it's totally hilarious how she still dances like it's 1993. I guess my moves will look old when I'm old, so whatever...but I won't be on TV show! The latest episode ended with her picking some ridiculous fight with Kyle, so I don't like her. Her coy act is really getting old and it's only episode 3.

So that's my take on the "ladies"! For the most part I like them all and find it very entertaining to watch. Thank you Andy Cohen!