I say "real" because we all know this show is not real, and they aren't even "housewives". Not one of them is a stay at home, non working outside the home, home making mother. To me, that's a housewife. The only one who has ever been a true housewife on this show is Kimberly from the 1st season, who was smart enough to get the hell out of town after that 1st season aired.
This season I've been finding myself saying "Why do I watch this crap?" more and more during each episode. Well, I know why. I only have Basic Cable and Bravo reruns the shows 24/7. And like all train wrecks, you can't look away!
This week Jeana & Vicki go to Chicago together. Vicki won't bring her HUSBAND to Illinois, but she'll cart her dazed & abused girlfriend Jeana there to make sure that everyone knows she has people that have known her for longer than she's been on TV. How many times did Vicki say she had "her people" with her?????? How many times did I want to throw something at her????
BBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO on Bravo for making it look like Vicki was being slutty at the bar asking that guy if he wanted to buy her a drink...only to find out it's her old pal's husband and he's just as inappropriate as Vicki! Who the F kisses some woman on the lips and then kisses his wife? Is this what happens to married couples after 15-20 years??? Am I gonna be outrageously flirting with my friend's spouses because my love tank is depleted?? If you know me when I'm 40 and I act like Vicki, please beat me down.
Lynne and her horrible daughters, who really cares. Lynne has to be friends with them so bad that she'll let them dress like prostitutes (in her own clothes, so that's a whole other blog) and get DRUNK at their parties...with their friends...in front of their friends...in front of TV CAMERAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How can you say you don't condone drinking and then let your kid drink...the definition of condone is to overlook, forgive, or disregard (an offense) without protest or censure. Um, that's pretty much what we saw last night, wasn't it?
Tamra takes her mom to get a facelift. ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....if I wanted to see facelifts I'd watch Dr. 90210 and Kendra's mom did the make over thing on The Girls Next Door. I don't give a CRAP about Tamra's mom or her wrinkled face or how Tamra could be so broken up over her parents divorcing when she was 25. I was 4, most of my friend's parents are divorced...get over it lady. I'm sure we're gonna have to see Tamra have some teary discussion with her father next week. Yay.
Vicki & Jeana also visited Shane while on their Midwest vakay. Shane's still clinging to the one thing he's supposedly good at, baseball. On the way there to the game Jeana finds out that Shane isn't playing so for some reason that means she can't come to the game. Nevermind the fact that she's his MOTHER, flew however many miles to come see him (WITH VICKI), drove however long WITH VICKI to get to the ballpark, brought his girlfriend and brother to see him...but since he's pissed that he's not playing he feels it's okay to be a complete asshole to Jeana. And this is okay because it's the way his dad acted. And that's okay because of his head injury. But thanks to the internet we know that Matt was an asshole long before getting beaned with a baseball, so Jeana is just a big ol' doormat for anyone who wants to take a walk. I find it so ironic that her big intro line in the credits is "No matter what happens, I do it my way". If "her way" is to stay in an abusive relationship for 20 years and then allow her children to treat her like complete crap...her way stinks! I actually really like Jeana so seeing Shane AND Colton be so completely UGLY to her broke my heart. It broke even worse seeing how Jeana just sits there and laughs it off like it's nothing. Then explains it away in her little interviews...can someone smack her please???? She's got a huge house and lots of Sky tops but hardly any love...so sad.
I left the most boring for last, Gretchen aka the sexy part of the show. Each week we have to watch Gretchen do something so she can get in a skimpy outfit. We've been to the lake, pool parties, a Burlesque party, a Yoga class where she wore a bra top (I've never seen anyone expose skin like that in any Yoga studio I've been in) and now last night...she and Jeff "might be investing in a gym" so Gretchen just HAS to get into a bra top to do Pilates! And of course use any and every opportunity to talk about her big ring, how sick her fiancee is, and how she needs/likes/hasn't been getting any sex. Why the crap was this girl asked to be on this show again??? There really weren't any ditsy drama loving attention whores that were actually MARRIED waiting to be in the cast? I liked Gretchen (sort of) until I saw her running around shoving her gaudy ring (that she designed herself of course) in the faces of her fiancee's children. I couldn't believe a woman who was supposedly in love would open her engagement ring w/out her fiancee. Shouldn't that have been a special moment for the two of them? Instead she chose to make it a "fun" scene for her reality show on TV. WTF. I'm sure next week she and Jeff might be investing in a "Gentleman's Club" and Gretchen gets a pole dancing lesson, then an oral sex lesson.
Watch what happens!
Look at me! I'm hot! I need sex! I'm fun! Did you know I haven't had sex in 8 months because my fiancee has leukemia and I'm the only one who takes care of him! I'm hot! Ha ha ha ha ha!!! Yipee!